At least once a week (actually more like once a day), I go on a rant of some sort about something that has somehow ticked me off. I don’t have a horrible temper (compared to some), but I will admit that there are quite a few things that can make me “Go Hulk.” When I do, it is rarely quick and painless for anyone involved. So here are a few of the things from my Hulk List (in random order, not necessarily ranked by how vile I find the offense.
#1- The kids at school who lie to their parents about why they’re receiving a lousy grade in class.
#2- The parents who blindly believe the ridiculous lies their kids tell and then threaten to involve everyone from the superintendent to their family attorney to channel five news if their kid’s grade isn’t changed.
#3- The guy who tried to “inch me up” or cut in line while in traffic (Oh there will be an entire posting on the dreaded “inch-uppper” the bane of my driving existence!).
#4- People who answer their cellphone at the movies, church, a funeral, or anywhere else inappropriate. Seriously Buddy. You are NOT that important.
#5- Size 5 women who complain “Oh I’m soooo fat” to anyone who will listen, knowing that the listener will gasp and respond, “Oh my gosh. You’re not fat! You look amazing!” Quit fishing for compliments you little stick figure!
#6- Any and all of the Kardashians (When did simply being a whore become basis for celebrity? Oh, alright. I’m sure the youngest, tween Kardashians* aren’t actually whores yet, but look at their sisters… they’re destined for whoredom).
#7- People who temporarily lose all common sense when naming their children. As a teacher, there are few things more annoying than taking role on the first day of school and trying to decipher student names. I have actually had in class each of the following: Ginifffer, Rapunzel, Daquiri, and qianna (yes, it’s a LOWERCASE letter q and it is NOT followed by the letter u). I think parents honestly believe they’re somehow enhancing their child’s future self-esteem and individuality. What they’re really doing is guaranteeing that their child will never be President.
#8- And the vicious garment-shrinking fairy who is obviously sneaking into my closet at night and working his evil magic so that NONE of my clothes fit anymore.
At the end of each rant, my insanely tolerant husband looks at me and says, “You know you should write that.” He finds delight in my rants (Although most of the time I think he’s merely grateful that they’re not directed toward him).
And so… A blog is born. Don’t get me wrong, I will not only be talking about the things that make me angry, but also the things that make me laugh out loud, the things that make me shake my head, the things that warm my heart, and anything else that needs my little lavendar light shined upon it.
*I think “Tween Kardashian” will be the name I use to refer to the little girls on campus who try so desperately to come to school naked every day. Scandalous!
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